Divorced Men, Get Back in the REAL Game

We live in a culture that measures God’s blessing by comfort—bigger paychecks, promotions, vacations, health, and smooth sailing. But what if that’s not how God keeps score? What if our obsession with success is blinding us to true faith?

In this episode of the UnYoked Podcast, Todd Turner pulls from the book of Habakkuk to expose how American Christianity has drifted into shallow, cultural faith—and why men recovering from divorce are at a crossroads. Too often, we’ve become fans of Jesus rather than followers. We wear the jersey, shout on Sundays, and post Bible verses in our dating profiles, but our daily lives look no different than the world’s.

Todd challenges divorced men to stop chasing comfort, money, and empty relationships and instead embrace authentic discipleship. This is about more than church attendance or checking the box. It’s about repentance, rebuilding after divorce, and learning to trust God even when the fig tree doesn’t blossom, the bank account is empty, or the job is gone.

Key themes you’ll hear in this episode:

• Why Habakkuk’s story speaks directly to divorced Christian men today
• How American Christians confuse success with blessing
• The danger of compartmentalized faith (Sunday vs Monday Christianity)
• Why so many of us are “fans of Jesus” instead of players on His team
• A call to men: repent, reset, and build your new life on the rock of Christ

If you’re tired of shallow Christianity and ready to stop wasting years chasing the wrong scorecard, this episode is for you.

👉 Subscribe to UnYoked Living for honest, raw conversations about faith, divorce recovery, and rebuilding a life that actually lasts.

To support the UnYoked Podcast and to help others... PLEASE subscribe and rate.. right now. And if this resource is helpful, please tell a friend.

Transcript

Todd Turner (00:00)
We live in a culture so rich, so patted with comfort that some of our biggest frustrations are just a messed up dinner reservation, a sloppy truck detail, a ruined vacation, an unsuccessful hunting trip, even a selfie that just didn't photograph well. And then on top of all that comfort, we still turn to God and ask, why aren't you blessing me more? Why isn't life the way I want it to be?

Well, we score our happiness, our blessing, by comfort and success. Dangerous. And this should cause us to ask this next question. Why am I chasing after the same things as unbelievers do?

Why am I scoring life with the same scale that the world uses?

The minor prophet Habakkuk asked something very similar. He looked around and said, Lord, why are the wicked winning? Why are you silent while injustice spreads? Well, this sounds like a different question, but it's the same one. And he, cause he expected God to fix something. But instead God told him, I'm sending the Babylonians. God didn't send the comforter. He didn't send the

answer that Habakkuk wanted or expected. He said, Calamity. Weird, right? That's a wake-up call to us too, because, American Christianity has gotten so skewed, we've almost identified comfort, or even our success, as the proof of God's love. Promotion, raises,

Smooth sailing, that's what we think blessing looks like. But Habakkuk's story shows us something way different.

Sometimes God shakes what we thought was secure.

not to crush us, but to drive us back to him. His view is often backwards from ours. His scales, his score is different than ours. And we must learn to see our lives through his lens. And that's what we're going to do today.

Let me set the table. We American Christians are very cloudy of our view of Christianity. We were born into it and it blends in with our culture. We automatically swim with the current. So it's really hard for us to see it. We live in a culture so affluent, we can't fathom it because we think it is normal. This is normal and we don't

even understand that the rest of the world may be normal, but we call them third world. Like we act like that's the abnormal side of the spectrum and we're the normal side. Not understanding, that's not even close. The eight or so billion people who've lived since Adam to us, that's the assumption that a lot of scholars believe there's as many people on the earth right now as there ever was from Adam to here.

So let's just say there's eight million people, eight billion, sorry, eight billion people now, and then there was eight billion people, that's 16 billion people. Do you know the amount of people that have lived the affluent life of, if you were born American, you haven't gone off to war, no one's come over here and attacked us. We have three meals a day. We have so much money and so much excess. We don't even understand, just having a,

air conditioned house and a comfortable bed. And we choose what color to paint the walls and choose what car we might want to drive today. Cause we have a couple. It's, it's so hard. If you haven't left America and you haven't gone and see what the rest of the world looks like lives, like if you haven't read a book, if you just don't understand, we are so affluent.

And as Christians, think we, of us sort of think that affluence is our blessing from the Lord. And I'm not saying there's not an element to that. There is. Yes, the Lord can bless us but blessing does not mean comfort and blessing does not mean riches. It just does not.

And because we can't even comprehend what being poor is or normal life looks like. So what did we complain about? Dinner reservations getting messed up. the guy at the dealership, not detailing our car just right. The vacation that just didn't live up to the brochure.

We don't like the worship music at our church. The youth program just needs to be run better. That's how spoiled we have become. We live within America culture that is so affluent. It debates things like, can we change our gender? do we have the right to have sex and then decide if we even want to?

the baby just because I'm inconvenienced by it. You know, not if we're educated, but how who pays for it? Like Christians are supposed to be the salt and light to this world. That is so bizarre a world because of their affluence. They have the time. We have the time to deal with things instead of just surviving the night, worrying about the tribe coming over and raiding us looking for food.

shelter trying to just keep our baby and family alive. We're so affluent we have time to literally complain and ponder the absurd. The absurdity of our culture even leaks into the and creates absurdity within the Christian church. All right hang in there.

One of these examples is as we live our affluent lives, even as Christians, our brothers and sisters, we don't want to be inconvenienced by adopting the children of those we tell women, hey, come on now, you need to have that baby, you need to have that baby. And the adoption centers are full of kids who even as Christians aren't even going to adopt. Why? We don't have time for that. Maybe I'll throw you some money, but we're not going to be inconvenienced.

It'll affect our life giving to the poor and now tell me how your poor remind me again Did you work were you working hard because I got a verse for you if you weren't working hard You don't even deserve to eat versus feeding someone and then worrying about Whether or not why they're poor like showing mercy before truth We do this all the time We ignore the plights of people on the other side of the globe

They're far away, their problems are far away. You got yourself into that mess. That is not our problem. Some of us give over there just a little bit. But we are not in the habit of loving our neighbors to sacrifice.

We literally fight to keep our economy, our politics, and our worldviews intact, instead of loving on the world around us.

crazy, but even often our mission trips in church are somewhat selfish. Sometimes we travel to the place we want to travel and to places that don't really need our

our experience and our feelings. And sometimes we'd like to feel like we're the savior. I know a lot of stories of some places overseas.

that ⁓ Americans come in and they paint the same church over and over and over and they build things and then it gets torn down, they rebuild it because the Americans like to come over there and feel like they're doing good work. Here's the deal. That's another topic for another day. But we are spoiled and it has leaked into our churches and it's leaked into your and my life.

We've lost our way and we can't even see it. Welcome to the church today guys. Hear me out. I'm giving a little bit of a preaching here, but I'm going to connect the dots. I am talking to a single Christians here. Let me continue. I'm going to connect the dots a little bit more. Let's go back to Habakkuk. So if you're like most of us, we haven't read of the minor prophets in a while. Habakkuk is one of the minor prophets.

And minor does not mean not important. It doesn't mean major and minor as in what he says is not major. Minor just means he wrote less. His books, the book of the minor prophets are just less writings versus the major prophets. But a prophet of God is a prophet of God and what they have to say comes from God. So there's nothing minor about it. But in his book, he starts off with a complaint. Imagine that.

He looks around where he lives, Judah, which is southern Israel, and he says, Lord, why do the wicked prosper? In an angry way. Lord, I don't like this. I don't like the enemy here. And why aren't you doing something about what I want done about? Sound familiar? Insert yourself here, right? Lord, why do the wicked prosper? And why are you silent while all this injustice spreads?

He wants God to fix the mess he's identified. We American Christians aren't far off from Habakkuk.

We live in a culture of blessings, and yet we look at our lives and say, God, why are you doing more for me? Literally, we pray for things. We pray for blessings. We're surrounded by jobs, homes, technology, opportunity, but we measure God's goodness by whether he makes life more comfortable. We complain about our dinner reservations being messed up, our car not being detailed.

Vacation not right, and Habakkuk's cry for justice, and our cry for convenience both reveal something. And we don't really understand what a blessing is, and we're scoring the way we see life and the way we measure life from our point of view, not God's point of view. All right, let's keep going. God's shocking answer back to Habakkuk, right?

It's not the way he expected sometimes not the way we expected. God says I'm raising up the Babylonians. What that's not comfort. That's calamity.

from a worldly view that literally is the opposite of blessing. It's like if, you know, if you voted, if you're a Republican and Kamala won, you'd be like, oh my goodness, Lord, this is not what we prayed for. The world is going to go upside down. And if you are a Democrat and Trump won, you probably feel the same way. It's like God's answer saying he was sending the Babylonians It's like a spit in the face of what

Habakkuk would have thought God was going to say because we think we're on the right side, no matter what side you're on, and we see the world the way we want to see it. So here's where it stings for us, you and I. We assume here in America that God's favor looks like promotions, pay raises, good health, smooth sailing, getting what we want. But sometimes God shows his hand

His love, His grace through loss, through pruning, through discipline. All right, I'm going to repeat. American Christianity has got so skewed that we've almost labeled comfort as proof of God's love, as evidence of God's approval and blessing. But God told Habakkuk the opposite. I'm going to shake everything you thought was secure. Habakkuk wrestles with this.

Here's his issue. God, how can you use a wicked nation to punish us? Like we're the good guys. Like I know how it should work. Evil gets punished, good gets rewarded. We're the good guys. And how dare you use evil to punish us? God responds with one of the most quoted lines in all of scripture, the righteous.

shall live by faith. The righteous shall live by faith. That was his answer. And it's the hinge of whole book of Habakkuk. True faith isn't proven when your bank account's full, when your kids are healthy, if the America superpower is the run the way I see it. True faith is proven when everything shakes and you still trust God.

This is where the American Christian needs to repent. We've become fans of Jesus rather than followers. We like the idea of him blessing our lives, but when sacrifice, suffering, or inconvenience shows up, sometimes we want out or it confuses and shakes our reality.

Here's the turn of the story. Habakkuk had to shift from worldly eyes to kingdom eyes. Worldly eyes say blessing is money, health, comfort, success. Kingdom eyes says blessing is God himself and trusting in this God. Jesus told us plainly, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.

and all these things will be added unto you. But instead, we fight to keep our economy, our politics, and our worldviews intact. If those things, like their eternal, once again, our mission trips often prove this point. Instead of serving where the Gospels needed most, we chase trips that make us feel good when we get to play the Savior. It's like the opposite of Kingdomize.

By the end of the book, Habakkuk prays one of the most radical prayers in all of scripture. He says, though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit beyond the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord. He finally put on the kingdom eyes. You rejoice in the Lord regardless of the circumstance and

Proof of God's love and his blessing has nothing to do with what you think. The way you keep score works. It just has nothing to do with it. So let's translate today. Though the stock market crash, though the savings run out, though the job be lost, though the retirement dream evaporates, yet I will rejoice in the Lord. That is worship without wealth. That's joy in God, not

the circumstances. That is what teen demise look like. Let me present it another way for us. All right. What if I ask you this question? Hey, you want a million dollars or do you want me to pray for you? What do think your answer would be? What about 10,000? Is it like $10,000 or do you want me to pray for you? What about $100? What about $10?

Think about that. Do you value God's economy at all? Do you trust his power over the world? We live in a world where we think money solves our problems. It's how we score our decisions. Sometimes our life length, it's about money, getting money, keeping money, showing off our money. It helps us reach our goals, but Jesus clearly says, seek.

He first, the kingdom of God, then all these things will be added to you. He tells us over and over, lay up your treasures in heaven. So we would all shake our heads and say, yeah, yeah, we agree with that. While we go on about our lives doing exactly the opposite. I'm going to go back. We have grown up in a cultural Christianity that we've inherited a dangerous Christianity. We believe

We believe this Jesus thing, therefore we are. Because we believe we are, we get away with believing without living it out. We wake up, we chase money, we chase our careers, we chase comfort, we chase fun, and somehow we could just call ourselves Christians. The only difference is we call ourselves Christians and we go to church on Sunday, but we're living the same life, same lens.

As all the unbelievers think, think about this. I know I'm in Texas. I'm really not that big of a cowboy fan, but think about our Christianity. Like being a fan of the Cowboys. Sorry, if you're in Philadelphia, sorry, you can make it about the Eagles, but for the sake of most of us being a Christian, we think about it, about being a fan of the Cowboys. We can go to the games. We can memorize the roster. We can wear the jerseys.

We can know a lot about the Cowboys, but we're not on the team. We can be fans, and a decade later, nothing's changed. We're not on the team. We're just really knowledgeable, casual fans. Being a fan is easy. It's easy to wear the jersey, memorize the stats, shout at the TV, but you're not on the field. Too many Christians are Jesus fans.

I stole that from a new friend of mine. And so I got to give him a little credit right here because I didn't come up with that, but I love the analogy. what Habakkuk calls us to is game day faith. The kind that still plays hard when the score looks bad. Shallow Christianity guys is no Christianity at all. It's a lie. It's wearing the Jersey, but not on the team.

I'm reading this book. It's called God at Work. It's by a guy named Gene Edward Veith Jr.

And I feel like the section of this book fits right here. God's providence, right? God's plan and the modern mindset, Vith points out that the traditional view of Christianity, of providence, sees God intimately involved in every detail of creation. All right, so think about this. Since the beginning of time, everyone in the world saw

Air God and everything when it rained God did it when the neighboring country came in to invade. It was God's punishment went remember when all the bad things happen to Job. It's like well, what did what happened remember when Jonah was running from God and he was on the ship and even the people on the ship who weren't Israelites they they were like they were praying to the gods. They went to Jonah like are why aren't you praying to your God like?

everything that happened, God's involved in. Well, a couple hundred years ago when we started getting microscopes and telescopes and science started ruling, we're like, ⁓ I can tell you why it rains. It's humidity level and barometric pressure. And the dry line comes through. Like we got science involved and what happened to the secular world is they're like, ⁓ we know what makes things do things now because of science. We don't really need a God to explain this stuff.

So what happened for many of us believers, we don't know it because we just were born into it. We take God out of the day to day of life and we put him in the clouds and then we put him in our churches and our hearts. It's in our hearts. God, it's between me. There's a guy in the clouds, he's in my heart, but this day to day stuff, oh, here's how you make money. You do it this way.

you need to go get your degree and you need to do this and you know, wake up. I got to pay for this house and we go live our day to day life with this mindset that God's up there. I know how this works. I got a calculator. I know how, know how economy works. I'm pretty smart. I run a business. I know how to live my life and I know how to hustle. I'll see God on Sunday. I'll pray, but we take him out of the day to day mundane, what we call mundane.

And we say, Lord, I'm going to handle this stuff. So what happens with our prayers is we started asking God to bless this stuff we're running. We're controlling this stuff. God, we want your hand of favor on it, but we got this, you know, this idea that, you know, God's my co-pilot. You know, have you ever seen that in the car? Like, you know, God, you God's my co-pilot. Well, God's like, I need to be driving. I need to be driving. Co-pilot, what are you talking about? Like what a...

What a weird way to look at that.

So this mindset of the world has creeped into our thinking, our Christian thinking, where believers treat God as he's in charge of church stuff, but he's irrelevant to the ordinary grind of jobs, politics, medicine, even household chores. And this leads to a dangerous compartmentalized faith. We think God shows up on Sunday worship, but not in the Monday business meeting.

We pray about missions and healing, but we assume that our work paycheck or our doctor's prescription has nothing to with God. I'm sick, the medicine is, we'll take care of it. I know how to do math. We know how to do science. And God's like, if he wants to perform a miracle, we'll let him, but we're going to handle it from here. And so.

We may even adopt secular categories where religion is private and spiritual, but everything else is neutral and godless. Veith argues that this is the distortion. Biblically, God's providence permeates in all of life. The food on your plate is God providing through farmers, truck drivers, grocery clerks. Safety is God providing through police, lawmakers, judges.

Children are cared for by God through parents, teachers,

thinking God is distant or only working in the spiritual places in the heavens and in our hearts. Vieth then develops the idea that God typically chooses to work through means. By the way, stick with me here. I know this is a divorce podcast.

It's coming. It applies to all of us. But he says that God typically chooses to work through means rather than bypassing them, right? He can intervene directly through miracles, healing, extraordinary answers to prayer, but his usual way is through ordinary channels. So he talks about how God uses physical bread, wine, and water and his word to deliver grace. Likewise, he uses very human instruments, you and me.

to carry out his providence. A doctor's medicine is God's healing hand. A farmer planting seed is God providing food for the hungry. The civil magistrate enforcing the law is God restraining evil. Parents rocking your child to sleep is God comforting the little one. This does not diminish God's sovereignty. It shows it. Instead of bypassing his creation, he dignifies it.

through working in it. Human callings and institutions become mask of God, hiding his presence, but he's the one carrying out the activity. V stresses that this view, it even shapes how we see our own vocations. All right, hear me? This is where it's connecting right here. The view that God is involved in everything should reshape how we see our own jobs.

Our daily labor is not just for the paycheck. It's God's chosen channel of blessing for others. Even if our jobs feel small or secular, God is working through them in ways we may not fully see. And this is where his book, God at Work, it's a great book, hits the bullseye. He says God's providence isn't just in church, but it's in everything. Your paycheck, medicine, your child's teacher.

Your conversation you're having this week at the golf course means that when we cut God out of everyday life, we've already started thinking like the world. Our cultural Christianity took God out of the middle, the everyday of our Monday through Saturday, if you will. And our lives, Monday through Saturday, look like the rest of the world. Me first, most days, and a little church here and there.

It's guys, it's even in our country music, which you know, if you ask a good old boy about America, it's country music, right? Well, there's a mentality that says it's the bumper sticker, it's the t-shirt. I like Jesus, but I cuss a little. And in the Psalms, I go out on Saturday night with the boys, but I cleaned up and go to church on Sunday. Yeah, come on now. I'll go to church. I don't even like those other guys. And by the way, don't let me act like.

You know, I drink and I go out, right? I went to a great concert, Alabama Shakes this last weekend. Wonderful, right? Seculars, I'll get out. Had a beer, right? So I drink, I cuss, and I do secular stuff. But it's the mindset. It's like, let me go get mine and do my thing. But as long as I do that thing you don't do, church, I'm not scared to say, geez, I'll put a bumper sticker on my truck.

but we still behave like the rest of the world and we seek the things of the rest of the world. And there's the issue. There's the issue is seeking and acting like God's not in that. I'll clean up when it's time to come home. I'll clean up and act right when I get to the church. I, nothing's more frustrating as a pastor. I'm not a pastor, but I have friends that are. And I feel sorry for them because they're just normal people like you and I who love the Lord. And when

They'll walk up to a group, will be cussing and telling their deer stories and their hunting stories. And then they'll cuss and then they'll find out his past. well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wouldn't have cussed if I knew you were here. What? That's the dumbest thing of all time. Would you have cussed or not cussed? Then cuss. You know, you're saying, I should have behaved better because you were around. Right? You see the hypocrisy in here? OK.

I want to say one more thing. I'm going to pause just a little bit more. There's a little bit more preaching in this episode. And I don't want to pretend I've got my act together and I'm talking down, whatever. is, I've always felt this about this Divorce Podcast. I am just a guy. I am not better than anybody. I don't know more than anybody. I feel like we're at war and I'm

two steps ahead of everybody. got the front duty of the platoon and I've stepped on some landmines. And all I'm saying is follow the limping bloody guy. He seems to know where the landmines are, right? This is me talking right here. This is not the pastor at your church who you probably think, he's got his life together and I don't, he's talking down to me or leaning me. This is the bloody limping guy who's made these mistakes. And I've had a really bad lens on for

quite a while and as it's becoming clear to me where my lenses were false. This is me coming to you and saying guys, we're resetting our lives post divorce. It is the time to get it right. And as we rebuild something new, if our foundations and cornerstones aren't solid, we're building on a house of cards and some really bad sand. And I'm trying to say, guys, I wasted seven years with bad lenses on.

And I thought wrong. was building things wrong and I am trying to help. I'm trying to stop you from going down the road if you're already down it. And for those who are lucky enough to listen to this stuff before they start building their house of cards, they can say, yeah, I need to, I need to get this right. So let me, let me keep going. I just, I'm pausing to let you know, this has something to do with us. All of this has something to do with us.

The idea that, world, I'm just like you, but I can clean up when I need to look or feel righteous. That is many of you. It's me. It's because we have compartmentalized God. We live in a world where we seek wealth. We seek comfort. We seek experiences. We sometimes prioritize our family in unhealthy ways. We push our worldview.

We push our politics and we have just become a believer, a fan, wear the jersey of Christianity. But we're not on the team. We don't even love our neighbors if they're not on our team. Guys, we're building our lives from the ground up. We can pivot so much faster as single people than with the responsibility of being yoked to a wife and sometimes even a family.

We have the time and the means to get our act together. And sometimes we're so busy living the world out and seeking our comfort and our pleasure and our wallets that we're missing it. We have an opportunity to reset. And just I named this podcast, It was this idea that we're unyoked, but we're still yoked to something.

And instead of being a yoke to the world, I want us to be yoke to truth, okay? We're gonna get to the yoke here in a second. If you're tired of chasing the carrots in this world that you never get to catch, if that sounds like, if you know something is false, wrong, exhausting with your version of Christianity, and you know, because God just puts that little thing in your heart, and I prayed that this podcast...

is speaking to at least one of you. At least one, I don't care. The thing is 10,000 listens, one. If you're listening and this feels like you, Jesus says, my yoke is light. And the word yoke, the idea of the two ox and the yoke, the idea of the yoke is it was created for, it wasn't like there's a standard yoke template. It's created.

for that ox. If God knows you, he shaped the yoke for you. He made it for you because he knows.

ancient world, yokes were carved to fit the necks and the shoulders of the oxen. If the yoke didn't fit well, it would rub, it would chase, it would wound the animal. But a well-made yoke fits, shapes the ox's body.

It allows the work to be shared with less strain. So imagine two oxen yoke together. One is strong and steady and knows the field. The other smaller, weaker. On its own, the little ox would never be able to pull the plow. But with the yoke to the stronger one, it carries the weight and the weaker one just has to keep and step. That's Jesus's invitation.

Even though the road is narrow and the curtain gets you as a Christian, but you're not pulling the plow alone. His yoke fits, his shoulders bear the weight, and that's why his burden feels light, even when the road's hard. What am I calling you to do? Repent? This might be a blind spot for you, right? Some of you may be just rebellious. I'm going to live the life I want to live. And yeah, I know how to play the Christian game. I'll see you at church. And I know how to act right, but

I'm not going to give up my version of Christianity, but your version shallow. You're a fan of Jesus. It has you checking in and checking back out, coming and hollering in the stadium, but not on the field. Think about it. Would you take a $100 bill over a prayer?

You chase what the world chases, then you just walk into church. Maybe just to check that box. So here's my question, men. Are you a fan of Jesus? Are you on the team? You're wearing the jersey, memorizing the stats, shouting on Sundays, and then back to normal life on Monday. Players take the hit. They trust the coach.

They stay in the game even when the score looks bad. Habakkuk's final words are the words of a player, not a fan, though the fig tree should not blossom, though the fields yield no food, yet I will rejoice in the Lord. That's worship without wealth. That's joy without comfort. That's faith while you're sitting in the dark.

men, especially those of us who are just rebuilding after our divorce. This is your shot at a reset. You can pivot faster than most. Don't waste your time chasing comfort. Build your life forward on the rock of Christ. Repent of your shallow Christianity. Lay down your fan gear. Get on the fields.

Get your butt in a healthy church. Stop being a lone wolf. Stop play dating, serial dating. Stop wasting time. Stop measuring your Christianity by the wrong score. Your bank accounts, they mean nothing to God. The hot women you date mean nothing. You saying you're a Christian on those dating apps on your profile, but you take the conversation into the gutter really, really quick.

that little Christian label that Jersey means nothing to God. He sees right through it. Get in the real game. Authentic faith is where we let God keep score. In a culture that following Jesus has been diminished to a privatized faith, rather than a lifelong apprenticeship, undertaking in the rich soil of Christian community, we must commit to grow and test our faith alongside other brothers in the faith.

Okay, hang in there brothers. Repent. I'll see you soon. Get your butt in a healthy church and fellowship with other men. Please, please do it. Alright, blessings.