Building a Life You Don’t Need to Escape From

Divorce can leave your life feeling like a hollow shell of what it once was—but what if this next season could be even better? In this episode, we talk about how to stop surviving and start building a life you actually want to wake up to.

If you're a divorced Christian wondering how to create meaning, joy, and spiritual peace in your daily routine—without waiting for someone else to complete you—this is for you.

We’ll explore:

• Why “alone” doesn’t mean “lonely”
• How to create a life-giving rhythm (even if it’s just you)
• Biblical encouragement for moving forward
• Why God hasn’t hit pause on your purpose

You’re not starting over—you’re starting different. And it might just be better than you imagined.

🎁 Grab my free solo travel eBook here: https://www.toddturner.com/solo

#ChristianDivorce #UnYokedPodcast #LifeAfterDivorce #ChristianSingleLife #FaithAfterHeartbreak #UnYokedLiving

Transcript

Have you ever looked at your calendar and thought, can't wait for the weekend just so I can escape my own life? Well, let's talk about how to build a life solo that you actually enjoy waking up to.

Hi, I'm Todd Turner and I help people when they're unyoking and trying to find the life that they're one trying to recover from and one they're trying to get to. And so today I just want to talk about this idea of escapism. It's a real thing. Sometimes we see it during the week, right? We're just trying to make it to the weekend. We can do what we want to do versus what others want us to do. I've also seen it like I like the Cancun syndrome where

Everything we're doing would just be fixed if we could just get away to Cancun. That's our real happy place. I know so many people that are like that. You know, I'm going to admit something that's really horrible. And I have some friends who are going to text me as soon as they hear this, but I used to not date, hairdressers. That was sort of my rule. And it's ironic because I've actually probably dated more hairdressers than anybody else, but it was a rule. And it was because.

wrongly thinking, like I thought, well, this was probably a group of people who are just working. They have a skillset that makes them money. And they're always looking forward to the weekend. Like they're the weekenders. And I thought, how can anybody love that? And that they're just doing that because they're good at it and it makes them a good living, but they're probably not. it probably doesn't bring them joy. Well, I was wrong. I've actually met so many entrepreneurial type spirits that do hairdressing.

And they're phenomenal people and they normally multitask in a thousand different ways and they own other businesses or are always looking at ways to market. But my point is they're not what I thought they were because I just despise escapism. I want to help people love who they are, where they are, and they don't need something else before they're happy. And I would say for us divorced people, there's this

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scenario that goes on and that is when you're married, you have a spouse, therefore everything you do is wrapped up in that spouse. They are you, you are them. You're building a life together. You're planning for the future. You have your kids, you're pouring into them. Like when that is uprooted, it really shakes you to your core. There's, as I always say, there's what got you divorced and then there's the ramifications of the divorce.

And one of the ramifications is besides your world is on fire. Let's just say it finally is not on fire. You generally have this mindset that, well, I lost a person now. And if I gain a person, a better one, right? A better one that doesn't have their problems, then everything will be okay. So we just sorta navigate our world around what.

finding that person and then what will life be with that person so I can move on with my life. And I know so many people who feel broken because they haven't found that person. They wake up and they spend their whole existence trying to find that person. And I would say for those in the app as guys, we look up and we always see dating with intention, dating with intention.

this idea that sort of supposed to imply I don't have time just to date. I'm dating to find my person. They're very intentional about it. Well, one of the things I do when I date somebody is I try to find out are they really ready to date? And I don't mean do they want to do they like craving a partner? Would they even be a good partner? It's like, are you ready? Have you have you discovered who you are yet? Have you really put in that work?

the phrase we all use, right? Putting in the work. Well, so many people don't put in the work. Their work is finding the other person. And I just want to talk a little bit today about that escapism and what can prevent that even without a partner. You're unyoked, you're single living. What does that look like for people without a partner? And so let's just start with number one. Number one is this false thing that we keep hearing.

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over and over again, and that is.

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Life begins when you find your new partner. And you know the phrase, I don't want to be a member of a country club that would have me for a member, was the same thing. I've sometimes dated and I got off the apps when I did a self-reflection. And that is, am I the person that would attract the person I want? Do I have my stuff together right now in such a way that somebody would be attracted to me?

And that's a moving target. It's a moving target. I'm going to give you an example of why that's not as easy to answer. Okay. I'm going tell you, I live with my son right now. Now I've been an empty nester. I still call myself an empty nester because my kids are all in their twenties. I've got two kids that are married and one that's about to be engaged. And, we were in this life situation where it made sense for us to move in together. And so we live together right now.

It's a moment. It's just, you it may be a year plus, but it's a moment. And I know there are women for sure. know of them because when they find out, you live in an apartment, they're like, well, he's not ready to date or he's not the financial situation. They have no idea how much I make, but they're just assuming. then, you live with your kid. Well, there must be some weird reason that they wouldn't even listen to because, you still live with your kid in an apartment. And that would turn off.

a lot of women believe it or not, it does. And there's others that are very open-minded. They'd want to hear the story first before they made up their mind. But once again, it's in the eyes of the bill or whether you're ready or not. So I'm not just talking about financially, but I am talking about this idea of how do you know that you're in a great space or mindset that someone would be attracted to you. And so my whole thing is,

I want to be the kind of person where if I never find my other person, I'm actually extremely happy with my life. That I'm not waiting to enjoy life till that next person shows up. That I am fulfilled with my hobbies, my passions, my relationships. And so I just, I sort of removed the idea.

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that someone else is going to make me happy. Now, do I hope they magnify it? What's the phrase? Let me think about that. The phrase that says, you know, when you have a partner, it's half sorrow and if you have a partner, it's double joy. I'm not saying life can't be better with someone, but I also don't want to sit and mope until that other person gets here. So I've created a life that I enjoy living and investing into myself.

which would hopefully make me attract someone else, right? And it's like, poor example is, it's like going for a walk. It's like, well, when somebody gets here, I'll go for long walks on the weekend with them. Well, I don't know, are you in shape enough to do it now? Like go for a long walks now, see if you can do it. That way it's going to be a lot easier. You know, don't wait for somebody to go run a marathon with you if you're not already running a marathon. I mean, I'll talk about this later in a dating conversation, but...

You know, always tell people if you want to meet a guy that likes to skydive, well, don't go on a dating app and say you like skydiving. Go skydiving because whoever's there, they like it too. They're not just talking about it. That's how you find your person is you go do the things that they go do. Like you like concerts, go to a concert alone because somebody else is alone there as well. Huh? Look at that. Two people, same hobbies at the exact same place.

What a great way to meet somebody, right? But anyway, this is not a dating thing. This is a find your thing.

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I also do want to say that even though I don't wait on someone to make me feel fulfilled, I do hold a spot for that special someone. There are actually shows on Netflix, boy. My Netflix is full of shows that I put in the waiting list and they're not just for me, they're for somebody. There's a certain shows like that's a couple show. I want to watch that with somebody else.

I have a couple of places in the world I want to go to. I'm saving them for somebody else, a honeymoon. I've got plenty of places I want to go that I'm going to go to before I meet somebody because I want to knock those out. They're probably not couple-y places and I can probably navigate them faster and differently alone. But I do hold a spot for someone else. I think that's probably wise to do. I do it with movies. I do it with places. Those for sure.

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Okay, number two, let's talk about building your rhythm. And that is when you're alone, you have this blessing and a curse. I tell you all the time, the blessing is I can do whatever I want and nobody tells me otherwise. The curse is I can do whatever I want and nobody tells me otherwise. Like it's so great to have a second voice in your life and someone to challenge you and someone to bounce off of it. So glorious. But when you're alone, the perk of that is, you know,

I, right now I can hop in my car and I can go drive to whatever city I want, get a hotel and work from that hotel in the morning. Like, and I've done that. I've done it plenty. It's, it's, it's wonderful to be able to do what you want when you want to do it. But also I've learned that it needs to come with discipline. And that's when I am really teaching myself this year is the discipline of routines because

You mix being entrepreneurial, yeah, a person who's always thinking, always challenging, always trying, adventurous. Sometimes you lose your routine. So I have to work hard at a routine. And my routines are sort of set up not only for my success, but also think they're sort of set up for blending later. We can talk about that on another time of...

how to leave that little space for someone else. But my routines involved morning yoga, stretching. have a honestly, I'm not addicted to coffee, but I am addicted to doing coffee. I'm addicted to waking up, doing a nitro, not nitro cold brew. Boy, I wish I had nitro, but I just do a morning cold brew. I put my protein in there, my collagen. I put fiber in there and

currently where I'm living now, I have a different patio than I had before. And so I'm enjoying sitting out on my patio every single morning. It's glorious. and I live in an apartment, so that means I have a workout room and it's so easy to walk to. don't have, there's zero excuses about it. don't want to drive. I can't find parking or, it's going to be real like traffic right now. No, it's there's no traffic. I walked down to the gym and so I have routines of.

Todd Turner (12:11.726)
When I do what? I live in downtown Frisco, Texas, and it's a very apartment condo heavy area, but there's tons of places to walk. There's always some out walking their dog. It feels like New York City where not that crowded, but there's always life. mean, you can't walk without seeing somebody to say hi to somebody at all hours of the day. We have a library next.

If you even live in this area, the Frisco library is phenomenal. I love going there. go there to write. But I've found my routines for walking, for working out, for my coffee, for even hobbies. I even just put it in my calendar. Hey, work on playing the guitar, work on the ukulele, read this book I'm putting in my calendar. finding my routines, things that make me be the person I want to be.

I did something the other day too. I used AI and I said, AI, here's five skills that I've always wanted in life. And I just am not self-disciplined enough to do it. Help me do it. So it told me here are the steps you need to be good at that skill. And then here is a routine that you could put in your life. And then I told it to make me a calendar and I imported into my Google calendar.

And now I'm reminded every week, hey, it's time to do this thing. Hey, it's time to do this thing. And it just, helps motivate me when I see it versus if I was just looking in the corner and see a guitar, I'd be like, eh, I'll do that later. But this, I'm actually accountable to myself by putting the systems and the routines in place that make me successful.

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All right, lastly, I've sort of said this, but joy is not just for couples. There are so many things you can do alone and thrive, thrive. for those of you who listen to me all the time, you know that I went on a month trip and on that trip, I reached out to people that I haven't talked to in forever. And I was like, Hey, I'm coming to your area of the country. Could I stop by and hang out with you?

And of course everyone was nice enough to actually say, actually come spend the night with me and even stay as long as you want. Well, when we were single, we have the opportunity to do things that couples don't normally get to do. We can make zoom dates. We can make, you know, FaceTime people longer. We can schedule travel. We can say, Hey, you want to run with me to that concert? There are so many things that you're able to do as a single that you

really should take advantage of because one day when you're not single, you're going to live another life. That's going to be great. I'm sure I hope I hope we pick the right people, but I'm just telling you right now we are. We are so much. are opportunities are way bigger. We can do things way faster. It costs half as much to do. So just get, grab a pen.

Write down all the things you want to do. If there's this particular band you've always wanted to see and you look up and they're not coming to your area, but they're in Chicago at the park. You're like, you know what? I've always wanted to go to Chicago and I love that band. I'm to go to that concert. Save up, go drive, fly, do the thing, whatever it is, do the thing. You've always wanted to go to that event. Like, I love cheerleading and they have a national cheerleading championship every year.

Go! Write down the things that you wanted to do. Your passions, your hobbies, things you wanted to be your hobby. Make the trip, do the things, and work your way up to it. Let's say you always wanted to run the Boston Marathon. That's probably a bad example. I think it's hard to get in that. But let's just say that was your dream. Well, start running. Start doing the things that so one day you can go and do the Boston Marathon. Even if you don't run in it, if you just want to go.

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Go! Like, don't wait for someone else to make you happy. Don't do it. You don't need them to do that. All right?

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You don't need to escape your life when you design it with intention. If you need to push and get out and explore, grab my free solo travel ebook at ToddTurner.com slash solo and start crafting a life that feels amazing.