Episode 0: Carrie Vitt is UnYoked

Join us in the premiere episode of UnYoked Season 2 where host Todd Turner welcomes the esteemed Carrie Vitt, a celebrated functional nutritionist and writer who's bravely sharing her tumultuous journey through divorce from a Christian perspective. From the depths of despair to finding hope and empowering others, Carrie uncovers the raw emotions and the healing process of her 21-year marriage dissolution. Engage in deep conversations about faith, wellness, and personal growth as this episode challenges stigmas and encourages open discussion.

- [00:01:30] A New Beginning: Todd Turner introduces Season 2 and Carrie Korem Vitt

- [00:03:15] Carrie's Transition: Back to Maiden Name and Life Changes

- [00:05:50] The Unspoken Christian Divorce: Shattering Silence on a Sensitive Topic

- [00:08:40] The Emotional Gravity of Divorce Podcasting

- [00:10:20] Carrie Korem Vitt: From Thyroid Health to Emotional Wellness

- [00:14:05] The Cultural Complexity of Divorce: Perspectives from Home and Abroad

- [00:17:45] Gender and Cultural Viewpoints: Male Lens in Female Experiences

- [00:21:30] Long-suffering in Silence: Carrie Discusses Her Resistance to Separation

- [00:24:10] Real Talk: Sharing Scars and the Role of Authenticity in Healing

- [00:27:00] A Crucial Pivot: The Decision to Separate and Seek Divorce

- [00:30:55] Wellness Beyond the Physical: A Holistic Approach to Health in Times of Stress

- [00:34:40] Journey Through Fire: Surviving an Abusive Relationship and Finding Strength in Faith

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Make sure to follow and subscribe to the UnYoked Podcast for a season filled with unflinching honesty, heartfelt stories, and thought-provoking discussions aimed at healing, discovery, and connection.

Transcript

0:00

The unyoked podcast, navigating the pain process and possibilities after a christian divorce. Welcome to the Unyoked podcast. Season two. Why are we having a season two? Because we only said we're going to have a season one. But as I created the 17 episodes of the podcast, thinking it was just going to be a closed podcast, ass. I spoke with a lot of different people who were like, oh, it'd be so much better if you just had a conversation going and a different perspective. Well, a friend of mine, Carrie vet, well, she kept telling me, like, hey, you really need a good christian woman's perspective, because things I actually agreed on, I would have doubled down on or things I literally disagreed on. So I thought that's pretty wise. So before, I was going to write a book about this, and it was really complicated to have co hosts, but at this point, it's not because the books are going to be written from the original. And at this point, it's time to have deeper conversations on each of our topic and each of our episodes. So welcome to the podcast, Carrie. So glad you're here. Thank you. All right. Thanks for having me. So I want people to get a chance to know who you are because I thought it's not fair to bring people in and then, like, who's this girl talking? What's she all about and what makes her right? I've always said I'm not qualified to do a divorce podcast. Oh, I'm not either. Right. Who is? Nobody. Yeah. When somebody says they're a divorce expert, I'm like, I don't even know what that means. Right. Yeah. But the fact that I've been through a divorce makes me more qualified than somebody who hasn't. Totally. Right. And so I guess the fact I want to talk to you about your divorce, but before that, tell me who you are. What do you are professionally? I know, but let the listeners who are you and what you do with your. Yeah. And that you're taking time out to do. Yes. Yeah. Well, I'm Carrie Coram vit. That's right. Slowly transitioning back to my main name, which I'm excited about. And, yeah, I'm a functional nutritionist and food and health writer, so that's been, like, my background for a long time. I also have two daughters. They are college age, and I've written cookbooks. I specialize in working with women and some men with thyroid disease, autoimmunity, hormone imbalance, things like that. Yeah. You're being modest because you have an impressive resume. I mean, you have a big following. Like, you're good at what you do. Thank you. And it's obvious you're good at what you do. Right. Thank you. I'm just going to be very transparent. Part of the reason I ask you to do this one, I really enjoy our conversations. They're always deep, they're layered, and they add value. Like, when I hang up with you, hang on the phone, I'm always like, that was a great conversation. Totally. That's the way I feel about it. Yeah, but there are people I get asked all the time from. People like, oh, I love being on your podcast. Well, first of all, I think you must not listen because I don't have any co host. What do you even mean? You want to be on my podcast? I don't do that. Right. But secondarily, it's like people, everybody thinks they're funny. Until you stand in front of a room with a microphone and you're posting, people laugh. Sure. Being on camera and being in front of a microphone is actually hard work, and you're good at it. Thank you. Yeah. That was another consideration I had. You have experience. You're well spoken, you're smart, and quite frankly, you're spiritually matured. I feel like I'm blowing smoke, but I mean that. Thank you. I can hear it in you. Yeah. And I'm going to tell you the last thing, and then we're going to get back to you because this is all setting the table. I'm letting you know this. I'm letting the audience know it. But the reality is, when I think about who I could have asked or who could have invited, part of it is I want someone who cares. I've been asked of people to be on the podcast, and I'm like, I'm not sure if that's not self serving or they think they'll be funny or, oh, I'm funny or. I have tons of great stories. Right. Okay. But do you care? And I think you care about the listener, which is why you want. That's why you kept telling me. I think you need another perspective because you care about the listener. Totally. That's literally the only reason I'm here. I don't doubt that. All right, so let's talk about this. You stick to your lane on your channel. Thyroid. Thyroid. You're a pretty close network person. You don't personalize your content that much. Not much. People know I have daughters, right. And here you are on a divorce podcast. Right? And I told you I was going to honor whatever circle or boundary you want to put on this, but also, this is your chance to sort of come out and just speak a little bit to why. I mean, you're divorced. You wouldn't be here. I wouldn't ask you. And like me, I have my circles. There's things I don't bring up about my marriage or my ex. Right. Makes me teary. I mean, it's a big deal. It's a big leap for you. I'm more comfortable because I've done it. I made my decision a year ago, and I did it right. But this is your chance to tell what you want in your story. And sometimes you just get it off your chest, and it may never be brought up again or it may leak out in the other episodes. And so this is where we can set our boundaries. So tell a little bit about your journey through divorce and divorce recovery, if you don't mind. Yeah, that's a big one. That's a big one. Right? I loaded it and threw it away. Five minutes. Do that in 1 minute because the reels are really quick. Exactly. Yeah. So, I mean, obviously, high level view. I was married for 21 years. It was not a healthy situation, really, from day one, unfortunately. And I do think that this word is way overused, and I don't use this word lightly, but it was an abusive situation, and so it was a very long journey. Very long. And I will just share, like, at the beginning few years, I was suicidal. I couldn't imagine continuing in that relationship for the rest of my life. And honestly, the first few years when all this was happening, because it all started right out of the gate, but. It lasted two decades. Yes. I was actually, like, growing up. I grew up in the church, became a believer when I was six years old. I've walked with the Lord my whole life. And in church, we were constantly at that period of my life, like, in high school, college, and stuff. They were always like, marriage is hard. Marriage is hard. Marriage is hard. Just wait. It's so hard. So when I got into all of that and it was so hard, I. Thought, this is what it's. This is what they were talking about. This is what they were talking about. But I remember just being so. Also kind of, like, angry with friends and family. Well, they didn't tell me that. It sucks your soul out of you. Yeah. Did you say joy, too? And hard. Where's the joy? Right. I will say that once my daughters were born, the idea of suicidal thoughts, that went away, like, 100%. Because now you're a mother. Now, as a mom, yeah. And so it was like, okay, I need to be here for my kids and stuff. And he was in the military, so there were long periods where he was gone. He also worked twelve to 14 hours, days, sometimes weekends. So I think that kind of extended. Things, because you created a world without him and that was okay. And you just tolerated when he was in it, right? Yeah. You suffered while he was in. Yeah. And so, did I want it to be restored? Yes. Did I want it to be healed? Yes. Do I feel like I did every single thing that I could possibly do? Yes. Until it got to the point where everyone in my close circle that knew every detail. Right. There's not very many people. But when they all got to the point where they were like, Carrie, it's time now. It's time. That's when I decided, I gotta, I need to do this for me. Because it was destroying. Yeah. It really was. And I will say, like, I bought into the lie that if I just become someone else, if I'm just not Carrie, if I just try and say the right things and do the right things, and whatever it is, that, then he will love me, then he'll want me, then this will all be okay one day. And that was a lie that I bought it. You feel like this. Not catchable, right? You can never become that person, because the problem wasn't you not being the right person. It was him looking for something impossible. Impossible. So I think that I look back and I'm like, man, should I have gotten help a long time ago? Yes. Should I have not bought into those lies? Yes. I got out of that. And let's see, he left about seven years ago, and we've been divorced for about five. So it's been a little ways on the other side of it. Right? Which feels nice. I will say the first bit of that. I remember I had, like, a six month period where, when I realized, like, oh, this isn't salvageable. There's not going to be reconciliation. There's not going to be repentance and stuff. I mean, I had, like, a six month period where I would get my girls off to school and I would grab my bible and I would get in bed and I would just cry and pray and read my bible all day. And then I would get up and the girls would come home and I'd. Turn on your mom's face. Turn on my mom face. Make dinner, take them to all their things. You know what I mean? But it wasn't something that I entered into lightly by any stretch of the means word. How long was that? Okay, I need to do this. And then doing it because you flipped the switch. But then there's the logistics and realities and all that. What was your path from? Okay, I think I am willing or able or going to try to really pulling the trigger. I mean, I was really coming from the mindset of like, okay, let's separate so that he can get the help he needs, get right with the Lord. I obviously can continue to get the help I need. I was already going to counseling and things like that. Maybe he was at the time. I literally don't even remember. It gets fuzzy and some of it I'm like, I don't need to remember any of that. Sorry, what was I saying? No. Well, so we were talking about divorce. How long it took you. How long it took. Yeah. See, I was coming from the standpoint of the separation, could be a time where he could get help. I could get help. Eventually it could all be restored. So there was a separation, and then it wasn't until I think it was around a year and a half again, some of the details are a little fuzzy because I don't need to remember. That's a long time. So I gave it a long time because I was like, I'm not going to jump into this. I want to make sure. And even when there was that, okay, let's separate for a while. I wasn't thinking divorce. I was just going to say, it sounds like you were not. And I'm going to use the word stuck, but I doesn't necessarily mean negative. But you were stuck in long suffering mode, so you're like, what's the difference between long suffering a little or long serving a lot? It's long suffering. Totally. I've already been through, like years, decades of, yeah, right. So time means nothing. And instead of just saying, I'm out, I want to go. You were like, okay, I'm going to attack this differently with the separation. Yeah. Okay. We're going to get into the details. This is your story. Tell your story. But I want to talk about that long story deeper. We won't do it here. Sure. Because I think it gets people stuck sometimes too long when they shouldn't have jumped. Sure, yeah. And then as time went on through the separation, I was like, oh, okay. And then eventually made that decision of like, okay, I'm filing. And I did think that, okay, if I file, then that will be something. And then the healing will start and then repentance will happen. It could be a trigger or a milestone. You were hoping. I was very hopeful the whole way. And then eventually I did see, like, oh, that's not going to happen. And so then, yeah, it was finalized, and I spent the first few years of that just, like, pouring into my girls, really helping them. They were in a tough spot. Ages at the time, like, 16 and. 14, preteen and teen. They're forming who they are. Tough season. Yeah. I don't know if there's maybe a Baby is the only not tough season. Because they wouldn't really know. Yeah. Every other age has its challenges, right? Yeah. And I don't want to tell any of their story because that's their story to tell, but they do share it, which I love. I love that. That they've allowed the Lord to use that in their story. And I just told them, like, look, the Lord wrote this in our story for some reason, and we need to be like, hopefully we can use it to help other people one day. And so, yeah, I just spent a lot of time helping know, and they got off to college. They're doing so, like, they've come back to life. They're amazing. And then I spent a lot of time, like, for me, counseling, healing, just taking a lot of time to just find Carrie again. Yeah. So your divorce recovery journey is probably deep. It'll probably come out in our episodes. Right. Because what we're able to speak into other people's life comes from our experience. It's not like you and I went and read a book, and we're just regurgitating it. I had to live it. Look at this scar. Look at this scar. And that's another thing I want to back up and tell you, another reason I picked you. I just remembered I'm stealing this, and I don't remember where I got it. I wish I could give credit to where it was, but it says, speak from your scars, not your wounds. Yeah, right. I can tell when you're. I'm talking to somebody and you speak from your scars, but you're also very. You're not bleeding, but we have scars. And you're also not a denier because nothing frustrates like, how you doing? That's why I hate church. When you walk in the halls. How you doing? Excellent. Everybody in this building is fine. It's just. What an amazing feat. Y'all are all liars, because you're not right. And when we're able to admit, like, I'm having a tough day or whatever, well, speaking from your scars totally doesn't mean you're walking around griping all the time. But we're real. Let's be real. Let's be real. Totally. Because I think that we can have a big discussion about recovery itself, and part of that, once again, will come out in the episodes. But what you do for a living, you work with a lot of women, and tell me a little bit about how your recovery bleeds into. Do you have a secret ministry that you, I'm sure you're a part counselor, right? Because anybody who comes in to see somebody and you start talking about your health, well, we all know the body keep score, right? And if half the people are divorced, even the people who aren't divorced have trauma. Tell me a little bit about your ministry or your recovery, and I don't want to say you have one. You're like, I don't do that, but I'm assuming you do a little bit. I do a bit. I would say a lot of my clients, they first think that when they come to see me, it's just going to be about nutrition. But getting back to better health, balancing the body and stuff, is so much more about your lifestyle, what's going on in your mind and your thoughts. Are you sleeping? Stress, all that. So, yeah, food's huge, but then we also talk about all the other things. And it comes out. And it comes out. Yeah. And so many of my clients have said I love coming because it's almost like a therapy session now. I don't cross those boundaries of trying to act like a therapist. What about your childhood? Take a b twelve. Yeah, exactly. But sometimes I will say, like, hey, was there a lot of stress when you were growing up? And if there was, then I'm like, okay, could you maybe see how that stress kind of led into some digestive issues and stuff to help them put the pieces together? But I will say that especially with women, a lot of hormone imbalance, thyroid imbalance, stuff like that is from stress. It's from emotional stress, traumas, different things that people have walked through. And so I do see how the Lord has used that. I've gone through so many things, and so that now allows me to be able to speak from personal experience and just speak from a heart of like, hey, I care about you, and you don't have to tell me your story, but we can talk about little bits, and I can give you some things that might be helpful. Yeah, I love this. So that's been really great. And where I work, it's a wellness collective, and we're all believers. So the clients coming in, they know. That they make a little Jesus. Yeah, I'm going to talk about Jesus. Yeah. Well, you have the lens of. It's okay. I'm going to ask you a question. It's going to lead to the second question. When you said yes to doing this and you just admitted part of it is because, or the ace of spades is because you care about women and you care about truth, I was going to ask you. I still am. What lens are you going to have on while you speak? What is your demographic? What tone are you going to bring to this? I'm very curious. And then the second question is like, why do you feel like this is going to widen your net of influence? Meaning you talk to women one on one now, but is this an opportunity to take that voice to a wider. Just tell me a little bit about what mindset you have of coming in on this. I mean, I think it's rare to hear someone talk about divorce from a christian perspective because we're not supposed to get divorced, right? Like, we're not supposed to be. That's the perspective is don't get divorced. Well, that's the christian line. Yeah. And I mean, it's horrible. I would never recommend it for anybody. I hated it. I still hate it. But here I am right now. What? Where's the now what, in church? Yeah. And there were, I think, just one or two women. One that's like a personal friend that I heard her share her personal story when she was ready about divorce and having to walk through that, and I found it so encouraging. And so my heart is really. I just want to encourage, and if anybody is going through all these things right now, know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm not saying that that is. That you get divorced. Right? I hope that you don't. I don't want you to, but the days can get better and there is hope. No matter what's going on in your life, there is hope because we have the Lord. I absolutely love that. It's funny. Part of my thought process, or what I've learned from doing this podcast, which I'm assuming you'll learn if you don't already know. So many people I have talked to have told me, oh, Tod, I'm so glad you're doing that. He goes, but I don't need it. I'm way past that. And then they finally listen and they're like, oh, I just broke up with my boyfriend because of something you said. I just started counseling again. That's great. Oh, I started bawling in my car and I'm thinking, you said you were past all that. But it's because we move so fast and we just, oh, well, I don't have that problem anymore. I'm going to go live my best life, whatever. And they don't put in the work. And that's just not a good idea. It's not. But we mask it so much. A lot of people, and I can see their behavior and their coping mechanisms, but they think, oh, that's for the poor sucker going through a divorce. I'm like, I know people have been divorced five, six, eight years, and they're like, yeah, that podcast is for me. And they'll call me like, oh my goodness, you touched the wound that I thought I covered up and you poked. Yeah. And actually, I sort of do it on purpose. I'm an instigator. Yes. But yeah, it's so interesting because part of this journey, this rip, dwarfs recovery, is the walking through a divorce, the immediate feelings and all the problems and landmines, which I hope we can help people through. Our first episode besides this, get to know one another, is about, for people thinking about making that divorce decision. And there's a lot on our next recording we want to speak into. But the reality is the recovery part, I'd say most people don't put in the work. No, they don't. They say they do, but that just means time has passed, right? Time, like, oh, yeah, I put in the work. It's five years later. I've had 22 horrible relationships with people. But they're all their fault because I put in the work. Right? Even though I'm the common denominator validator. All girls are crazy, right? All men are horrible. Which is not true. Not true. Neither one of those statements is true. Neither one. I don't like the edges. I don't like the edges. Yeah. Okay, so first of all, thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. And I guess we'll make a ground rule that if I ever ask a question that goes too personal, just give me the time. I will do that. You know that you got something to throw already, right? Yeah. Okay, so one last thing before we end this is we sort of got your why. Yes, but I was just going to ask the why. Yes, why. Now, you and I've talked about this, and I know you're a busy person, but is it the heart of ministry? Because you're busy, you do stuff. You got things. You got a life. Right? But just speak one more time a little bit about what made you say yes to this and why are you here? Yeah. I mean, I know that I didn't go through all that I went through just to keep it to myself. Right. And I've spent a whole lot of years just trying to heal, and I'll never be fully healed. Right. This side of heaven, it's just not going to happen. But I have learned a lot. I've become so much stronger. The Lord has strengthened me. The Lord has shown me a lot of things. And so I feel like if I can be a source of encouragement for other people, then that's why I want to be here, and that's worth it to me. Okay. I love that. No, that's wonderful. And I will also say this, and we'll finish. We're not here to agree or put together a. We're on a team. Like, if we want to disagree, disagree. And if we want to underline, say, well done. I like that. There's no rules here. The rule is truth. Right. And the goal is perspective. Meaning I have this. Our women don't think that way. Right. Or like, yeah, but what about this? I really look forward to getting into the different topics and revisiting them with your perspective. And, yeah, if you disagree because it has my name on the podcast, I don't care. I really want pushback because I used to go to China for work, and when you tell somebody you're going to China, but it's like, well, I heard this. I heard this. Well, aren't christians being persecuted? Well, wait a minute. Isn't it the fastest growing christian population? Which one's true? And a guy worded it really well. He goes, everything you've ever heard about China is true somewhere. It's a big place. Sure. So, yeah. Did that church get burned down? Yes. Did this church just get built? Yes. Did the government just shut down? Did the government just start this? The government literally invited me because they have a department for Christianity. People don't even know that, but they do. And I was over there working with them on a project. Well, I feel that. Same with divorce. It's like it's so hard sometimes to speak into something and say, well, this is true about everybody, because it's not. It's not true about everybody. Absolutely not. Everybody has their own story. But there are a lot of common denominators. There are milestones that we all deal with, but differently. Totally. And as I sit up here and talk, I'm coming to the best of my ability. I widen the net. But I also have my lens on. And I also have a gender lens on of a male. Right. Even though I do a pretty decent job, I think, of empathizing. I'm a pretty good empathizer. So I can put myself in other people's shoes without having walked that walk. I know I can't get it right all the time. Sure. And neither can I. Yeah. Right. And so we can argue about whether something's a gender thing, a cultural thing, or it's like, oh, yeah, that may be generally true. Yeah. It'll be a fun journey. Totally. All right, thanks for saying yes, and let's get on to episode one. Sounds good.